A man goes to the doctor and sits in the waiting room. A lady shuffles out from the doctor's door and sits next to him, waiting for her follow-up appointment. A bandage is wrapped around her head. "Gee, what happened to you?" the man asks.

She says, "I've got earosis and the doctor had to cut off my ear."

Unsettled, the man waits a bit more and another woman shuffles out with her leg fully bandaged. She takes the remaining unoccupied seat next to him. He turns to her, "What happened to you?"

She replied, "Oh, I've got ptomaine poisoning and the doctor had to cut off my toe."

The man is fully upset and walks out of the office as the receptionist calls out: "Mr. Jones, the doctor will see you for your asthma!"

After Sunday mass, I wished aloud a blessed afternoon for our priest. "Enjoy your time with the angels!"

"Oh, no," he said. "I'm a Dodgers fan!"