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"Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"

"No, this is how I dress when I go to work..."

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner.

Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?

Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "You do God’s work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "You protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "You serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.

The defense attorney was cross-examining the attractive witness, leaned forward and thundered, "Where were you Monday night?"

"Automobile riding," replied the witness.

"What about Tuesday night?"

"Automobile riding."

"And what are you going to be doing tomorrow night?"

The prosecuting attorney leaped out of his chair protesting the last question. The judge, being a tolerant gentleman, "And why do you object?"

The prosecuting attorney drew himself up in righteous indignation, "Because I asked her first."