A mother and daughter were out shopping at the mall. The mother saw an expensive fur coat and stated, "This year, I think I will buy my present instead of making you and dad shop for me and I think this fur coat would be perfect too." 
The daughter protested, "But mom, some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can have this." 
"Don't worry honey," says the mother, "your father won't get the bill for a couple of weeks."

A mother and her young son returned home from the grocery store. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says you can't eat them is the seal is broken. I'm looking for the seal."

A three year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. When they returned home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."

What does it mean when the doctor says you have six months to live? You have five months to pay! 
How can you tell if you have a cheap doctor? He takes Friday off to play miniature golf. 
When does a doctor suggest emergency surgery? When he's ready for a new sports car! 
What advice don't you want to hear from a doctor before an operation? Whatever you do, don't go into the light.