On the first day of school, the kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."

A little voice from the back of the classroom asked, "How will that help?"

A three year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left foot was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up with a puzzled look and said, "Mom, stop joking. I know they're my feet!"

To tag birds migrating, the U.S. Department of the Interior used metal bands that bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated: 
Wash. Biol. Surv. 
Until the agency received the following letter from a camper: 
Dear Sirs, 
While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible. 

An application was for employment; a program was a TV show; a cursor used profanity; a keyboard was a piano.
Memory was something you lost with age; a CD was a bank account; a hard drive was a long road trip. 
A web was a spider's home, and a virus was the flu!