So I didn't appear to be a loser, I concocted a story to tell my friends, about my having a girlfriend who lets me put lipstick and rouge on her.

In other words, not only did I make her up, I MADE her up!

"I wish I had enough guts to clean these fish I caught," said the squeamish fisherman.

"Here's your knife," said his friend as he slapped down a huge bass. "All the courage you need is right in there."

Husband: Look dear, I just bought us one of those plug in air fresheners. But for some reason it's not working.

Wife: It's not plugged in.

Husband: You mean I have to plug it in for it to start freshening the air?

Wife: It's a plug in air freshener. How can it work if you don't plug it in?

Husband: It makes no scents!

I would think you'd have to be open minded to be a brain surgeon...