"I read somewhere that they're going to launch some weasels up in a rocket."

"So where are they headed?"

"Otter space, of course!"

Did you hear about the professional golfer who got arrested for assaulting his chauffeur?

All he did was take out his driver.

The owner of a factory that manufactures thick, brown syrup, produced during the refining of sugar, called his production crew in. "We have more work than we have people do it," he told his staff. "And, I find that the women we've hired in the past do a far better job then the men."

"What do you suggest we do?" asked one employee.

"It's simple," the owner said. "We need mo'lasses!"

I got up early this morning, still dark out, and went into the bathroom. Thinking I was grabbing the bottle of Listerine, I started gargling with Kaopectate.

My wife is thrilled. "Great!" she said. "Maybe you'll no longer have diarrhea of the mouth!"