"When I walk into a room, I expect your undivided attention. Don't look over here or over there, look at me. If you say something to me, I just may want to ignore you. That's my prerogative. In addition, when I utter so much as a sound, you are to smile, nod approvingly, and praise me."

Sounds like your boss, right?

Well, you're half right. I'm also your cat!

Driving down the street in Sydney, Australia, I was pulled over and given a ticket for "failing to yield to a leaping marsupial".

And then I knew the fix was in, when on the citation it stated that I was to appear in Kangaroo Court!

Shirley Temple walks into a bar.

"What'll it be, little lady?" asks the bartender.

Replies Shirley, "I'll have a Me!"