I finally realized that I needed to get in shape, so I made plans to join a club and work out for one full year.

The year I picked is 2023.

Cousin It was getting tired of being just the hired hand around the Addams family household. The family had moved to the feudal nation of Armenia and It decided to run for feudal lord. While not quite a democracy, elections were still the path to choosing the next leader who would exercise power and authority over the nation.

With Gomez, Morticia and Festus fiercely campaigning for their beloved candidate, election day arrived. The precincts opened, ballots were cast, and the votes were counted. The polls had showed a close contest between the four candidates running, but when the final tally was announced, Cousin It had received the most votes.

With all the Addams family and his supporters cheering him on, Cousin It was beside himself as he approached the podium.

"I won! I won!" It screamed. "Bring me the wine. I'm serving!"

With glass raised, Gomez shouted, "When IT reigns, IT pours!"

1. What does a typical politician and a dress manufacturer have in common?
One skirts the issues, the other issues skirts.

2. What does a torpedo and a kitchen appliance supplier have in common?
One sinks ships, the other ships sinks.

3. What does a phone app and a U-Haul have in common?
One is downloaded, the other is loaded down.

4. What does a balcony and a drunk have in common?
One has an overhang, the other has a hangover.

5. What does a clown hiding in a cake and a son who discovers his dad's
secret have in common?
One pops out, the other outs pop.

What do you call an insane cow removed from his pasture and locked up in a pen?

De-ranged!