What did the hungry cow shout out to the farmer as he was walking by?

"HAAAAAY!!!!"

I saw some footage from Scotland showing the Loch Ness monster actually posting something on MySpace.

It is obviously a fraud. NO ONE uses MySpace anymore.

What do you call a bird of prey perched on a priest's pulpit?

An altar eagle.

My doctor told me that I have a condition known as narco-somnia, which has symptoms of both narcolepsy and insomnia.

That's probably why I always sleep with one eye open.