"Quick! Call a tree surgeon!"

"Why?"

"My maple tree is bleeding!"

"That's not blood, that's sap."

"What's sap?"

"Nothing. What's sap with you?"

How does a firefly feel when it loses its glow?

De-lighted!

I went to a funeral yesterday where a vigil was held over the dearly departed while a document was read so everyone could find out who was left what.

That tells me, where there's a will, there's a wake.

To stop King Kong's rampage, the U.S. Army got their top strategists together and came up with a terrific plan.

They built a massive catapult engine, loaded a 1966 Volkswagen in it, and hurled the vehicle directly at the side of the giant ape's head.

In other words, they put a bug in his ear.