Be careful when you have friends who tell you they can help you break into the jewelry business...

I took their advice, and now I'm serving 9 to 15 in the state penitentiary.

My father, a retired factory worker, keeps reminiscing about the "good 'ol days" of his younger years.

Then without skipping a beat, he'll say something like, "but it really isn't so bad nowadays."

Then he goes right back to how nice he had it as a teenager back in the 60's.

Then, right away it's back to the present, with "but technology today makes everything so much easier."

It's back and forth, back and forth from the present to the past, past to the present.

"You know dad," I finally told him, "you're nothing but a baby boomerang!"

An organ grinder and a monkey enter a tavern and take a couple seats at the bar.
"Give me a shot of whiskey!" said the organ grinder to the bartender.

"I'll have the same," said the monkey.

The bartender looks in astonishment as he pours the drinks.

"What's the special here?" the organ grinder asks.

"Yeah," the monkey chimes in. "We're starving."

"O.K.," says the bartender. "What's going on here? You're a monkey. You can't talk!"

"I sure can! Not only can I talk, but I'm also a ventriloquist!"

Two skydivers, Harold and Lester, jumped out of the plane and were having a conversation on the way down.

Lester: "I was in a hurry this morning, and I can't remember if I asked you to pack my chute for me."
Harold: "I've been pretty forgetful myself. I'm lucky I remembered to pack mine."

Lester: "Wait a minute. You mean I forget to ask you to pack my chute for me?"
Harold: "No, silly. You didn't forget to ask me to pack your chute. I'm the one who actually forgot to pack your chute!"

Lester: "Phew! Thank goodness, for a minute there I thought I was losing my mind!"