The Santa Claus at Macy's decided to retire, so management put out an ad for a new one. After going throught the applications, they picked who they thought would be perfect for the job. Carl was rotund, had a full white beard and a jovial laugh.

However, after some time problems arose. Carl would forget to show up for work. Then when he did show up, he would seem disoriented and confused and not remember where he was supposed to be. Other employees would often have to search for him in the store to return him to his post, where children in line would be crying when they didn't see Santa there.

"What are we going to do?" asked one manager.

"I think we're going to have to hire a new Santa," said another. "This one's a lost clause."

Two zombie students were on the way to their high school in Los Angeles when they spotted a white BMW with the actress Halle Berry stopped at a red light. Seizing the opportunity, they immediately rushed the car, dragged the startled Ms. Berry from the front seat, and ate her brain.

Dragging the corpse behind them as they walked to school, they suddenly remembered that their school was having a contest to see who could best decorate the corridors of the school for Christmas.

Sure enough, they won the contest. The name of their entry, "Deck the Halls with Bowels of Halle!"

When tupperware gets a crack in it, do you perform plastic surgery?

What did the Super Nova say to the cop when he was pulled over for speeding?

"You can't give me a ticket. I'm a BIG STAR!"