A Soviet journalist walks into the hospital and tells the desk nurse, "I want to see the Eye/Ear doctor."

"There is no such doctor " she tells him. "Perhaps you would like to see someone else?"

"No, I need to see an eye-ear doctor," he says.

"But there is no such doctor," she replies. "We have doctors for the eyes and doctors for the ear, nose and throat, but no eye-ear doctor."

He repeats, "I want to see the eye-ear doctor."

They go around like this for a few minutes and then the nurse says: "Comrade, there is no eye-ear doctor, but if there were one, why would you want to see him?"

"Because," he replies, "I keep hearing one thing and seeing another."

Memory Class: An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association.

A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him.

"What was the name of the Instructor? " asked the neighbor.

"Oh, ummmm, let's see," the old man pondered.

"You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's that flower's name?"

"A rose? " asked the neighbor.

"Yes, that's it," replied the old man.

He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?"

Husband: What happened honey?

Wife: I have severe neck pain.

Husband: I'm going out to shop. Do you need anything for your neck?

Wife: Yeah. One necklace!!