A Politician rang up the "self help" line and said "I'm fed up with my life and am going to kill myself"
The operator said "where are you". The politician said "I am on the train track under the bridge"
The operator said "please stay on the line"????

Give a man a rod and you wont see him all day, because he is fishing
Give him the net and you won't see him for weeks????

The Professor was teaching his students, and asked them "What's the difference between complete and finished"?
The students all look amazed, with no answers
Well says the Professor "if you marry the right person, your life is complete"
However if you marry the wrong person, you life is finished
BUT if you sleep with the wrong person and the right person finds out?
You are completely finished!