Laura and Freddy are cousins, and their grandma is babysitting them for the day. Although Freddy's mom is the renowned chef in the family, Laura's mom prepared lunch earlier, including potatoes in the oven.

But one fell and got badly burnt. Grandma jumped on the occasion to show the kids how to draw with it on a piece of paper.

Sadly, Freddy frowned and then observed, "My mom would NEVER burn potatoes for me."

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were dumb to stand up.

One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?”

He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

Four young ladies are ordering a few rounds of drinks. Each time they get up, they toast and say, "14 weeks!", then they down their drinks.

The bartender finally asks the ladies, "What's the deal?"

One says, "Well, we bought a boxed puzzle. It said 'two to six years,' and we did it in 14 weeks!"

"You just go ahead," the man in the shopping mall said to his wife. "While you're shopping, I'll browse in the hardware store."

An hour later, she returned and saw him at the checkout counter. The clerk was ringing up the last of a pile of tools and supplies that would fill two wheelbarrows.

"Are you buying all this?" his wife asked incredulously.

"Well, yes," he said, embarrassed. Then waving his arm toward the interior of the store, he added, "But look at all the stuff I'm leaving behind!"