Two students were arguing when their teacher entered the classroom. The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?”

One boy answers, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.”

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher. "When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to Heaven. St. Peter was at the pearly gates waiting for them.

"Come with me," said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had everything you could imagine from a bowling alley to a gigantic swimming pool.

"Wow, thank you!" said the taxi driver.

Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.

"Wait, I think you are a little mixed up," said the priest. "Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all, I was a priest and preached God's word every day."

"Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed."

Did you hear about the banker who was recently arrested for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter's college education?

As the policeman, who also had a daughter in college, was leading him away in handcuffs, he said to the banker, "I have just one question for you. Where were you going to get the rest of the money?"