You know its going to be a bad day if:

You put your bra on backwards, and it fits better.

Your car horn goes off accidentally, and remains stuck while you’re following a group of Hell’s angels.

You see a ’60 minutes’ team waiting in your office

The boss tells you not to bother taking off your coat.

The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

Your blind date turns out to be your wife.

Your twin forgot your birthday.

Your Income Tax check bounces.

A lawyer was on vacation in a small farming town. While walking through the streets on a quiet Sunday morning, he came upon a large crowd gathered by the side of the road.

Going by instinct, the lawyer figured that there was some sort of auto collision. He was eager to get to the injured parties but couldn't get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim."

The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."

Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"

Customer: "Oh, no. I'm supposed to install it to get it to work?"

Tech Support: "Yeah, it usually helps."

Camper: "Look at that bunch of cows."

Farmer: "Not bunch, herd."

Camper: "Heard what?"

Farmer: "Of cows."

Camper: "Sure I've heard of cows."

Farmer: "No, I mean a cowherd."

Camper: "So what if they heard? I have no secrets from cows!"