Favorite this joke A funny magician accidentally turned his wife into a couch and his two kids into armchairs. He started to panic and thought to himself, "What on earth have I done?"
He began to ponder, "How am I going to bring back my beloved family?" So, he thought for a while and decided a good idea was to take them to a hospital and see if the surgeon could operate and bring them back. He loaded them into his van and off he rushed to the local hospital.
He walked up and down the hospital hall and after some serious surgery, he asks the doctor, "Doc, how are they?"
The doctor replied, "Comfortable!"
I was recently out for an evening with friends and had more than several beers, followed by a couple of bottles of red wine and then a few vodka shots. Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was just slightly over the limit.
That's when I did something I've never done before: I took a taxi.
On the way home, there was a police roadblock. But since it was a taxi, they waved it past, and I arrived safely home without incident. This was a real surprise to me.
Why?
Well, because I had never driven a taxi before.
An applicant was filling out a job application. He came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?"
He wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway... "Never got caught."
Our normally sweet Great Dane has one quirk, she hates United Parcel Service drivers. While walking her one day, around the corner of a house came a UPS man.
Struggling to keep hold of her, I tried to ease the situation and said, "As you can see, she just loves UPS men."
"Don't you feed her anything else?" he responded.
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