A man worked for a road crew. One day he woke up ill with a touch of laryngitis, but being a dedicated employee, he went to work. The boss felt rather sorry for the worker and didn't want him to do any physical labor, as they were repairing a part of the freeway.

He says, "Why don't you go down the road and tell people to slow down going through the construction?"

The worker is glad for the easy day. He stops the first vehicle. "Sir," he whispers, his throat feeling worse, "please slow down, there's a road crew up ahead."

"Okay," the driver whispers back, "I'll try not to wake them."

Famed composer Johann Strauss was an avid mountain climber who once waltzed himself into deep trouble. He lost his footing and found himself hanging by his fingertips over a bottomless gorge.

Another climber heroically came to his rescue and just managed to grab Johann by a strap of his backpack to save the Maestro's life.

Since then, the act of trying to get out of a seemingly hopeless situation has come to be known as grasping at Strauss.

Using a new painting program on my computer, I managed to come up with a very credible still life of fruit. I made a color printout and sent it to my daughter, a graphic designer. She called when it arrived.

"Isn't it good"? I asked.

She chuckled and in a tone that echoed mine from years ago, replied, "Mom, it's beautiful. We put it on the refrigerator."

An elderly man enters a jewelry store on a Friday night with a beautiful, much younger woman and states that he is looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler brings out a $5,000 ring. The man says, "No, I'd like to see something more special."

The jeweler returns, this time with a $50,000 ring. The woman's eyes sparkle and the man seeing this, says, "We'll take it! I will give you a check now, so you can verify the funds on Monday with the bank. I'll then pick up the ring that afternoon."

On Monday morning, the jeweler phones to tell the man, "Sir, there's no money in that account."

"I know," is my reply. "But let me tell you about my weekend!"