A man and his wife were driving their recreational vehicle across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure out how to pronounce it: KISS-a-me? kiss-a-ME? kiss-A-me?

They grew more perplexed as they drove into town. Since there were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the person at the register, "My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that we can understand?"

The cashier looked at him and said, "Buuuurrr gerrrrrrrr Kiiiinnnng."

Mr. and Mrs. Smith were always fighting. Then one morning as Mrs. Smith was driving around town, running some errands, her car was crashed into by a hit and run driver at a relatively low speed.

A police officer rushed up and asked her if she'd taken the car's number.

"I didn't need to," replied Mrs. Smith. "It was my husband in that car."

"Did you see him?" asked the officer.

"No," said Mrs. Smith, "but I'd recognize that laugh anywhere."

There are a lot of folks who can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in America. Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil.

We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical.

All our oil is in Alaska, Texas, California, and Oklahoma...

All our dipsticks are in Washington, DC!

A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend. "It sounds as if you had a great time in Texas," the friend observed. "But didn't you tell me you were planning to visit Colorado?"

"Well," the husband said, "we changed our plans because, uh..."

His wife cut in, "Oh, tell the truth, Fred!"

Fred was completely silent. After a long pause, the wife continued, "You know, it's just ridiculous! Fred simply will not use any navigation devices or ask for directions!"