Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator.

Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

A man walks into a posh restaurant and orders his meal. While he takes the first bite and is looking around, a monkey swings down and steals his plate from him before he is able to stop it.

The man asks the waiter, "Excuse me sir, who owns the monkey?"

The waiter replies, "It belongs to the piano player."

The man walks over to the piano player and says, "Do you know your monkey stole my food?"

The pianist responds, "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it."

A deacon is in the hospital and his good friend, a preacher, goes to visit him. The preacher notices all the medical equipment attached to the deacon. He kneels by the bed. The deacon motions to a pad and pen on the nightstand. The preacher hands his friend the pad and pen, and the deacon begins to write. Suddenly, the deacon dies.

At his funeral, the preacher delivers the service. He says, "I was with him when he died, and as a matter of fact, I have his last thought in my coat pocket here." The preacher pulls out the paper and reads, "Please, get up. You're kneeling on my oxygen hose."

After trying to for hours to get my daughters to clean their room, I burst in and yelled, "GET THIS ROOM CLEAN NOW, BEFORE I HAVE A COW!!!"

My youngest daughter (3 years old) looked at me with a very puzzled expression and said, "You mean you'd get rid of us and have a cow instead?"