The Law of Volunteering"
If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

"The Law of Avoiding Oversell"
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

"The Law of Common Sense"
Never accept a drink from a urologist.

"The Law of Reality"
Never get into fights with less attractive people, they have less to lose.

"The Law of Self Sacrifice"
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

"Weiler's Law"
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

"Law of Probable Dispersal"
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

"Law of Volunteer Labor"
People are always available for work in the past tense.

"Conway's Law"
In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.

"Iron Law of Distribution"
Them that has, gets.

"Law of Cybernetic Entomology"
There is always one more bug.

"Law of Drunkenness"
You can't fall off the floor.

Changing Resolutions...

2010: I will get my weight down below 160 pounds.

2011: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 180 pounds.

2012: I will develop a realistic attitude about my weight.

2013: I will work out every day.

2014: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week and eat fewer cookies.

As in many homes on New Year's Day, my wife and I faced the annual conflict of which was more important, the football games on television or the dinner itself. To keep peace, I ate dinner with the rest of the family and even lingered for some pleasant after dinner conversation before retiring to the family room to turn on the game.

Several minutes later, my wife came downstairs and graciously even bought a cold drink for me. She smiled, kissed me on the cheek, and asked what the score was. I told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to nothing.

"See?" she said, continuing to smile. "You didn't miss a thing!"