One day an ape escaped from the zoo. They searched for it everywhere. They announced his disappearance, but no one reported seeing the ape.

At last, he was discovered in the public library. Officials of the zoo as well as the animal handlers went there as soon as possible.

They found the ape sitting at a desk with two books spread out in front of him. It was reading with great concentration. One book was the Bible and the other written by Darwin.

The zoo keepers asked the ape what he was doing. The ape replied, "I'm trying to figure out whether I am my brother's keeper or whether I am my keeper's brother?"

When my son graduated from high school, he had to give a speech. He began by reading from his prepared text.

"I want to talk about my mother and the wonderful influence she has had on my life," he told the audience. "She is a shining example of parenthood, and I love her more than words could ever do justice."

At this point he seemed to struggle for words. After a pause, he looked up with a sly grin and said, "Sorry, but it's really hard to read my mother's handwriting."

Signs that scientists have gone too far with genetically modified food:

*Your hot dog just fetched its own ketchup and relish.

*You spot the tell-tale signs of a primitive central nervous system in you Jell-O.

*Chocchini: looks like zucchini, tastes like a chocolate Ding Dong.

*The black-eyed peas on your fork just winked at you.

*Every time you pour a glass of orange juice, your garage door goes up.

A woman offers a brand-new car for sale for a price of ten dollars.

A man answers the ad, but he's slightly disbelieving. "What's the catch?" he inquires.

"No catch," the woman answers. "My husband died, and in his will he asked that the car be sold and the money go to his secretary."