Favorite this joke Looking in the mall for a cotton nightgown, I tried my luck in a store known for its hot lingerie. To my delight, however, I found just what I was looking for.
Waiting in the line to pay, I noticed a young woman behind me holding the same nightgown. This confirmed what I suspected all along, that despite being over 50, I still have a very "with it" attitude.
"I see we have the same taste," I said proudly to the 20 something behind me.
"Yes," she replied. "I'm getting this for my grandmother for Christmas."
The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have?” The guy answers, “A scotch, please.”
The bartender hands him the drink, and says, “That’ll be five dollars,” to which the guy replies, “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.”
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, “You know, he’s got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.”
The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, “Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don’t ever let me catch you in here again.”
The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, “What the heck are you doing in here? I can’t believe you’ve got the audacity to come back!”
The guy says, “What are you talking about? I’ve never been in this place in my life!”
The bartender replies, “I’m very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double.”
To which the guy replies, “Thank you. Make it a scotch.”
Part of my job as a 911 dispatcher is to interrogate callers who are in various states of panic so I can send the appropriate emergency equipment. One day a woman called to say that a family member had fallen and needed to go to a hospital.
After finding out where she lived and assuring her that the paramedics would arrive shortly, I asked her, "Do you know what caused the fall?"
"No," the woman nervously replied. "What?"
Mrs. Smith needed to have her piano tuned so she asked a friend for a recommendation. She then made an appointment with the piano tuner, Mr. Opperknockity. He arrived two days later, tuned the piano satisfactorily, and left.
Shortly after that, Mrs. Smith noticed that the piano was terribly out of tune again. She called the tuner to complain about it and to ask for a return visit to solve the problem.
However, the tuner replied, "I'm sorry ma'am, but Opperknockity only tunes once!"
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