The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. "This," he said, "is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it."

A smart-aleck who ran a humor mailing list stepped forward and asked, "Where is my father?"

There was the soft hum of powerful electronic gear going to the task. Panel lights lit and blinked, and within a couple of seconds the laser printer printed out a piece of paper: "Fishing off Florida."

The smart-aleck laughed, "Actually, my father is dead! It was a trick question."

The salesman, quickly thinking on his feet, replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as the Ultimate Computer was precise, perhaps a rewording of the question might work better.

The smart-aleck said to the Ultimate Computer, "Where is my mother's husband?" Again, the hum of the powerful electronic brain filled the room.

After a moment, the laser printer whirred to life. The paper said, "Dead. But your father is still fishing off Florida."

I was working as a short-order cook at two restaurants in the same neighborhood. On a Saturday night, I was finishing up the dinner shift at one restaurant and hurrying to report to work at the second place, but I was delayed because one table kept sending back an order of hash browns, insisting they were cold. I replaced them several times, but still the customers were dissatisfied.

When I was able to leave, I raced out the door and arrived at my second job. A server immediately handed me my first order.

"Make sure these hash browns are hot," she said, "because these people just left a restaurant down the street that kept serving them cold ones."

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers.

The first boy says, "My Dad writes a few words, he calls it a poem, they give him $100."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad writes a few words, he calls it a song, they give him $200."

The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad writes a few words, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

Joe and Mark, two small-town merchants were visiting New York City for the first time to attend a conference. There was a large party thrown, with lots of food and refreshments. At the end of the party, they both went outside.

Joe crossed the street, while Mark wandered into a subway entrance. When Joe came back, he noticed Mark emerging from the subway stairs.

"Where did you go?" Joe asked enthusiastically.

"I don't know," gushed Mark, "but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement!"