A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged down. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen in front of them.

The young farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free.

The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today."

The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plow your land? At night?"

"No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole"

Mr. Norton was in the hospital recovering from an operation when the nurse on duty received a call from a man who asked how Mr. Norton was doing.

"Oh, quite well. We expect he'll be released in the morning."

"Very good, thank you."

"May I ask who is calling so that I can tell Mr. Norton?" inquired the nurse.

"This IS Mr. Norton. The doctors don't tell me anything!"

A farmer has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating from school and would really like to get a car. His father says, "Son, come with me." He takes him to the barn and points to the farm tractor and says, "That tractor is
needed here on the farm and I promise that as soon as it's paid for, we'll get you a car."

The boy was not too happy but he did understand that
situation and said, "Okay, Dad."

A week later, his second son (10 years old) approaches him wanting a new two-wheel bicycle. Well, he gets the same excuse ... "as soon as that tractor is paid for..."

Shortly, a few days later, son no. 3, his youngest, comes
bugging him for a tricycle. Again, 'ol Dad gives him the lecture about the tractor being paid for first.

While leaving the barn, the young boy, more than a little
disgusted with the whole thing, sees a rooster mating with one of the hens and promptly goes over and kicks the rooster off the hens back, mumbling to himself the whole time.

His dad says, "Son, why on earth would you do something like that? He didn't do anything to you to
deserve that!"

The little boy looks Dad right square in the eye and says,
"Hey, nobody rides anything around here until that damn tractor is paid for.

Two girlfriends were speeding down the highway at well over 90 mph.

"Hey," asked the brunette at the wheel "Any cops following us?"

The blonde turned around and had a long look at the road behind them.

"Yeah, looks like it"

Are his flashers on?"

The blonde turned around again......

"Yup.... nope.... yup.... nope.... yup.... nope.... yup....."