A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one of the fellows and left it on his desk.

"I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave."

At 7:00 pm, the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drove!

Son: “Hey Dad, how does a sundial work?”

Dad: (hands son a phone) “Okay, now just call someone.”

Son: “Why can’t you do it?”

Dad: “Because that would be a DADdial.”

What's the difference between a duck and George Washington?

One has a bill on their face and the other has their face on a bill.

Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance.

"Teddy," he called, "how many more times do I have I to tell you to come downstairs quietly? Now, go back upstairs and come down like a civilized human being."

There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room.

"That's better," said his father. "Now in the future you will always come downstairs like that."

"OK," said Teddy cheerily. "I slid down the railing!"