Money can buy a house, but not a home.
Money can buy a bed, but not sleep.
Money can buy a clock, but not time.
Money can buy a book, but not knowledge.

Money can buy food, but not an appetite.
Money can buy position, but not respect.
Money can buy blood, but not life.
Money can buy insurance, but not safety.

You see, money is not everything!
Therefore, if you have too much money, please send it to me.

There are bats hanging off a branch upside down, all except one.

Two bats comment, "What's happened to this one?"

"I don't know, two minutes ago he seemed normal and then he fainted."

Why were the tomatoes in the fridge embarrassed?

They saw the salad dressing.

A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher. The note read: "Bill Jones having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."

Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."