A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"My other car is a broomstick."

A cathedral is being worked on, and the workers have rigged a cage elevator inside so they can get material up and down. A characteristic of this cage elevator is that the doors (gate) must be closed manually for it to be called to another floor.

One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the verger.

Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open.

After the verger rings for the elevator a couple times, to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down. Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight: The verger of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling up to the heavens: "Peter! CLOSE THE GATES!!!"

At a packed airport ticket counter all ticket agents were doing their best to politely process each passenger as quickly as they could. A man toward the end of the snaking line of passengers was obviously impatient and very frustrated at having to wait so long.

He finally decided to march right up to the counter, pulling his wheeled suitcase, and demanded that he be given his boarding pass. The ticket agent turned, looked at him, blinked, took a shallow, deep breath and said, "Sir, as you can see there are many passengers ahead of you. We are doing our best to process the passengers as fast as we can. I'm afraid you'll have to get back in line."

Outraged and red in the face, the man yelled at the ticket agent saying, "Do you know who I am ???!!!"

The ticket agent turned, looked at him, blinked, took another shallow, deep breath, picked up the microphone and said calmly, "There is a man at the ticket counter who does not know who he is. Anyone who knows him please help us."

The man quietly returned to the back of the line.

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a twenty dollar bill to someone who was needy and down on his luck."

"Twenty whole dollars? That's a lot of money to just give away. What did your husband say about it?"

"Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He said, 'Thanks.'"