"King David used to be a hero of mine, but not anymore," said little Brodie to his mother one Sunday, after church.

"Why not, son?"

"I learned today that he killed the Jolly Green Giant."

You can't run through a campground...

You can only 'ran', because it's past tents.

Three mothers are sitting on a bench talking about how much their sons love them. Sadie says, "You know the Chagall painting hanging in my living room? My son, Arnold, bought that for me for my 75th birthday."

Minnie says, "You call that love? You know the Mercedes I just got for Mother's Day? That's from my son Bernie."

Shirley says, "That's nothing. You know my son Stanley? He's in analysis with a psychoanalyst in Harley Street. Five session a week. And what does he talk about? Me."

During the final exam, the professor noticed that Billy Walters kept looking at his hand before writing down an answer on his test. This went on throughout the entire exam, leaving the professor no other choice than to interrogate the student's test-taking habit.

"Mr. Walters," the professor began. "Is there something interesting written on your palm?"

"Not at all," Billy replied. "It's all pretty boring."