My wife and I are inseparable.

In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.

After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked my recruiter what I could expect from jump training.

"Well," he said, "it's three weeks long."

"What else?" I asked.

"The first week they separate the men from the boys," he said. "The second week, they separate the men from the fools."

"And the third week?" I asked.

"The third week, the fools jump."

Dr Frankenstein: "Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It's a new pill consisting of 50% glue and 50% aspirin."

Igor: "But what's it for?"

Dr Frankenstein: "For monsters with splitting headaches."

Two guys walk into a bar and sit down to eat their lunches.

Then the bartender says, ”Sorry, but you can’t eat your own food in here.”

So the two guys look at each other and swap lunches.