Favorite this joke Stopping to pick up my daughter at kindergarten, I found out that the topic of "Show and Tell" that day had been parents' occupations.
The teacher pulled me aside. Whispering, she advised, "You might want to explain a little bit more to your daughter what you do for a living."
I work as a training consultant and often conduct my seminars in motel conference rooms.
When I asked why, the teacher explained, "Your daughter told the class she wasn't sure what you did, but said you got dressed real pretty and went to work at motels."
A preacher at a Christian school, wanted to point out the proper behavior for church. He was trying to elicit from the youngsters, rules that their parents might give before taking them to a nice restaurant.
"Don't play with your food," one second grader cited.
"Don't be loud," said another, and so on.
"And what rule do your parents give you before you go out to eat?" the preacher inquired of one little boy.
Without batting an eye, the child replied, "Order something cheap."
The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage about 20 minutes during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.
After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch. "Hey! We need to get back!"
"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist, "I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."
A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.
"Well, of course," said her companion, "Don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded."
My wife had never been to a baseball game, so I took her to see the Cincinnati Reds one night.
Our seats were right behind the third-base line. At the top of the first inning, the batter hit a foul ball.
Miraculously, I managed to catch it on the fly.
As I sat down, breathless with excitement, my wife turns to me and says, "That was nice! How many of those do you get a game?"
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