My wife was in labor with our first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!"

"Doctor, what's wrong with my wife?"

"Nothing. She's just having contractions."

Why wouldn't the dentist display his awards?

He wanted to prevent plaque buildup.

The kid had swallowed a coin and it got stuck in his throat, and so his mother ran out in the street yelling for help. A man passing by took the boy by his shoulders and hit him with a few strong strokes on the back, and so he coughed the coin out.

"I don't know how to thank you, doc..." his mother started.

"I'm not a doctor," the man replied, "I'm from the IRS."

The psychiatrist pulls the new nurse to the side.

"Is something wrong, Doctor?" she asks.

The psychiatrist takes a moment before answering, "Just say we're very busy. Don't keep saying 'It's a madhouse.'"