My poor wife was sick in bed with the flu. Being a dutiful husband, I offered to fix her some of her favorite herbal tea. I couldn't find the tea though and went back upstairs to ask where it was.

She said, "I don't know how it could be any easier to see. It's in the pantry, third shelf down, in a cocoa tin marked 'matches'. Can't see how you missed it?"

At the UPS cargo phone center where I worked, a woman called and said, "I need a baseball quote."

I immediately answered with Yogi Berra's famous, "It ain't over 'til it's over!"

There was a brief moment of silence before the woman asked, "What was that?"

"You asked me for a baseball quote," I responded, "and that was the first thing that came into my head."

"Oh," she replied. "My husband told me to call and get a baseball quote."

I asked if she wanted to ship something and she said she did. Then it dawned on me so I asked, "Do you mean you want a ballpark figure?"

My son Mark was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college in the fall. He worked through the Christmas holidays and didn't return home again until the February break.

When he got off the plane, I was stunned at how much taller he looked. Measuring him at home, I discovered he now stood at 5 feet, 11 inches. My son was as surprised as I. "Couldn't you tell by your clothes that you'd grown?" I asked him.

"Since I've been doing my own laundry," he replied, "I just figured everything had shrunk."

Our mom needed a new mattress for her antique bed, so my brother Josh and I decided to buy her one as a gift. The problem was we weren't sure what to get because it was an odd size. Fortunately, my brother happened to be visiting my mother one day when I called home.

"Measure the bed frame before you leave," I told him.

"I don't have a tape measure."

"You can use a dollar bill," I suggested, "each one is six inches long."

"Can't," he replied after digging through his wallet, "I only have a ten."