While away from home in college I wrote a letter to my dad.

It said: "No mun, no fun, your loving son."

He wrote back saying: "Too bad, so sad, your loving dad."

The Pastor began his sermon with a question to the congregation. "Does anyone know the difference between sins of commission and sins of omission?"

After a few moments of silence a young man spoke up and said, "Sins of commission are things that we have done that were sinful. Sins of omission are sins we should have done but just haven't got around to yet."

I went to a National Park once and was very concerned about being attacked by a grizzly bear while hiking. I stopped at the Ranger Station and asked how to keep from being a victim of a bear attack.

He said to wear little bells around my ankles and keep pepper spray handy. He said they sold both there at the ranger station. The Ranger also told me the best way to tell if a bear was in the area was to look for fresh droppings.

He said if the droppings were small and round it was probably a black bear and an attack was unlikely. He said it was grizzly bear droppings if it had little bells in it and smelled like pepper spray.

St. Peter was working the Pearly Gates one day when a man appeared before him. The man said, "Here I am, let me in."

St. Peter said, "Wait a minute, it isn't that easy. I've got to check in the Book of Life to see if your name is recorded there." St Peter scanned the book and said, "I don't see where you've even done one good deed in your whole life?"

The man said, "That's not accurate. One time I saw six bikers harassing a young woman. I yelled at them to leave her alone. When they ignored me I got a tire iron out of my trunk, charged over there and hit the leader in the head knocking him out cold. I looked around at the others and said, 'When I said leave her alone I meant it. If anyone bothers her again you'll answer to me!'"

St. Peter said, "Wait a minute, I don't see that recorded here. When exactly did this happen?"

The man looked at St. Peter and said, "Just a minute ago."