Husband: You brought home donuts. I thought we agreed, no sweets, while you were on your diet.

Wife: I know it but the Lord wanted me to have them.

Husband: How do you know the Lord wanted you to have them?

Wife: As I was approaching the donut shop I said to the Lord, "If it's your will for me to have donuts, let there be a parking space open right in front of the shop".

Husband: So I suppose there was an open parking space?

Wife: Absolutely! The eighth time around the block there it was.

Six year old daughter: "Do you know what they called Batman and Robin after the Joker ran over them with a steam roller?"

Daddy: "No, what?"

Six year old daughter: "Flatman and Ribbon."

I was driving down the road one day when I happened to see some kids with a lemonade stand. I stopped and found they had two bowls of ice cold lemonade. One was 75 cents a glass and the other was 25 cents a glass.

I asked for the 25 cents lemonade. I drank it all down and it was delicious. I asked what the difference was between bowls because the 25 cents lemonade was terrific.

The boys looked at each other then one of them said, "We're trying to get rid of that bowl of lemonade because a cat fell into it."

A four year old got her daddy out of bed early one Saturday morning.

As he was fixing her breakfast she asked, "Why do you have one eye open and one eye closed"?

Her father looked at her and smiled as he said, "I'm still half asleep."