I went into a flower shop the other day and ordered a dozen roses. While paying for them the woman clerk asked, "Anniversary?"

I replied, "No."

"Birthday?"

Again, I replied, "No."

Having paid, I was walking to the door when she called after me saying, "I hope she forgives you!"

There was once a man who had to do a lot of overnight traveling for his employer. His wife repeatedly ask if she could go with him but he always refused.

Finally, after much nagging, he agreed to take her. They arrived and checked into the hotel. While her husband showered his wife scheduled a wake-up call for six a.m.

At six a.m. the phone rang. As his wife was reaching for the phone the salesman, startled by the ringing, woke up and yelled, "Don't answer that, it may be my wife!"

Daughter: My fiancé said I could have whatever I wanted inscribed on his wedding ring. What should I put?

Mother: Put what I put on your father's wedding ring.

Daughter: What does it say. I've never seen daddy with it off.

Mother: Yes. It's worked very well over the years. It says, "Put it back on!"

Every baby finds its first squeeze toy while still in the womb...

It is their mother's bladder, sending her to the bathroom twenty plus times a day and night.