Teller at the bank answers the phone: "American National Bank. How may I help you?"

Dumb Criminal: "I've got a gun. Fax me all your money immediately, and no one gets hurt."

A deputy arrested a young man. The young man was verbally complaining to the officer about the injustice of him being arrested. He proclaimed his innocence over and over.

The verbal barrage went on for about fifteen minutes as the deputy drove the young man to jail. Finally the young man asked the officer in a loud voice, "So tell me then, what do you do when you catch a real criminal?"

The deputy shook his head sadly and responded, "I don't know. All I've ever caught are innocent people."

As men grow older they reach that stage in life where their hair quits growing on their head...

And begins to come out of their nose and ears instead.

John and Fred were arguing over something Fred had done.

John finally said, "If you do it again, I'll slap you upside of the head so hard it'll make your teeth rattle!"

Fred replied, "You do and it'll be the last time you do!"

John responded, "If I do, it'll be the last time I have to!"