Fred: "Do you think I have any brains at all?"

John: "Well, how can I put this nicely, I can describe it best like this... If they were to take your brain, roll it into a little ball and roll it down the edge of a razor blade, it would look like a BB rolling down an eight lane freeway."

Christopher Columbus had Attention-Deficient Disorder. Think about it...

When he left he didn't know where he was going.

When he got there he didn't know where he was.

When he got back he didn't know where he'd been.

John and I were putting a roof on a barn we were building. We hauled up all the shingles and roofing nails before we began working on the roof. As John brought up the last of the supplies he slipped and accidentally kicked over the ladder. I told him not to worry as someone would surely come by before the day was done.

We worked all day on the roof and finished it just before sundown. I told John that since no one had come by to pick up the ladder for us we were going to have to jump down. John said we could jump into the pigpen and the mud would break our fall. Looking down at the mud I asked John how far we would sink into the mud. John said it would come up to about our ankles.

With that I jumped and sank into the mud up to my neck. "Hey!" I yelled at John. "I thought you said it would only come up to my ankles?"

John replied, "So who told you to jump feet first?"