Customer: Waiter, Do you have any Wild Duck?

Waiter: No, but I can get a tame one and irritate it for you?

Husband: "I'm really upset you sold my golf clubs at our garage sale. You know how much I enjoy the game."

Wife: "Well honey, I suppose you'll get over it... that, or you die unhappy. Your choice."

Husband: "Did you ever wonder why cats are so finicky?"

Wife: "You'd be finicky too if you had to bath yourself with your tongue."

With all the additives they put in food today you have to be very very careful about what you eat.

Why just the other day I was eating at a fast food place and I found potato in my French fries.