Woman customer in restaurant: "I'd like a margarita please."

Waiter: "I'll need to see your ID."

Customer (giggling while showing her ID): "You think I look like a teenager?"

Waiter: "No. I thought you qualified for our senior citizen discount."

The CEO of a large cooperation was giving advice to a junior executive. "I was young, married and out of work," he lectured. "I took the last nickel I had and bought an apple. I polished it and sold it for a dime. The next day I bought two apples, polished them and sold them for ten cents each."

"I see," said the junior executive. "You kept reinvesting your money and grew a big business."

"No," said the CEO. "Then my wife's father died and left me a fortune."

A city slicker goes to visit his cousin who owns an apple orchard. The cousin takes him out to show him the bountiful crop on the trees.

The city slicker sees all the apples and asks, "How many apples grow on trees?"

His cousin smiles and says, "All of them."