Did you hear about the soothsayer who accurately predicted an earthquake?

Everyone said it was his fault.

Five year old Little Frankie got a new pair of shoes. His father said, "Frankie you can't get in the mud puddles with these new shoes."

Frankie's father watches as Frankie bounds out the front door, goes to the nearest large mud puddle and stomps in many times. Frankie runs back into the house with a grin from ear to ear proclaiming, "Oh yes, you can!"

Little Johnny's mother: "Johnny, your teacher mailed me a permission slip so she could offer you the part of a marionette in the school play and I signed it."

Little Johnny: "I know and she offered me the part but I turned it down. You never want to play a part that has that many strings attached."

Why do gourmet cooks stock on on herbs and spices in the fall?

Because they're seasonal.