Bobby: Grandpa, why doesn't Superman fight crime anymore?

Grandpa: Inflation.

Bobby: Why inflation?

Grandpa: He can't afford to leave all those clothes in phone booths.

Bobby: What's a phone booth?

Teacher: What did you do over the long weekend?

Little Johnny: We went to Samson hill for a picnic but dad forgot to load the picnic basket. My mom looked at dad put her wrist on her hip and began to tap her toe. In seconds my dad was a hundred yards away at the bottom of the hill.

Teacher: So your dad ran away?

Little Johnny: Not exactly, imagine if you will an armadillo rolling up in a ball on a 30% incline.

An elderly couple went to a counselor as to settle a on going argument.

Counselor: OK, what's going on here!

Husband: My wife keeps tying strings on my finger while I sleep. She then insults me if I ask her about it.

Wife: Not true and I don't want to talk about it any longer.

Counselor: Communication is paramount, I'd like to see you two talk to each other and resolve this issue yourself. Come back in two weeks so I can check on your progress.

Husband: Fine but I'd better tie a string on my finger so I can remember it.

Wife: Doh!

Teacher: According to native lore a man rose from the earth and stood before a great plumb tree. Every time he tried to eat of the fruit a large wolf snarled said “Eat not the fruit or I shall bite you.” Does anyone know the meaning of this classic dilemma?

Little Johnny: Sometimes it’s ok to settle, prunes aren’t all that bad.