Neighbor: Why do you allow your wife to drink so much?

Me: Ever seen how she acts sober?

My best old friend asked me, "How do you keep your marriage so fresh?"

I said, "Well for the last 30 years we've done nothing together and we get along just fine! Why do you ask?"

He replied, "My wife has kind of the same idea."

"Oh?", I said.

"Yea a Divorce!"

I just got a job at the local Taxi cab company,

Now I just need to find a ride to get there!!!

Last week at Walmart my wife let me push the cart instead of riding in it!