I went to the Doctor and told him I must have a sleep disorder.

He ask whys that? I said well I go to sleep at 10pm and wake at 6am.

Doc said well that's great what's wrong with that?

I said well my heads on the pillow when I go to sleep but when I wake my feet are on the pillows.

He thought for awhile then replied...

Set your alarm for 2am that way neither will be on the pillows.

Hey Doc this job interview has my nerves all out of shape, what should I do?

Doc -- well do as I do and have a lot of patients.

Have you ever watched Night of the Living Dead? I see a rerun of it every morning in the mirror!

My daughter was listening to her radio in the other room, I yelled out to her and ask, "What the heck is that disturbing noise?"

She replied, "That's my radio daddy."

I said, "Well try mine it doesn't sound like that!"