My husband and I often spell words so that our small children won't understand what we're saying. I didn't realize what a habit this had become until one day when my husband and I were in the grocery store at the soup aisle.

An aggressive young woman banged into our cart, then nudged me over, blocking my access to the soup. Annoyed, I looked at my husband and said, "Boy is she r-u-d-e!"

"Yeah," he replied, "but I'll bet she can s-p-e-l-l."

At Sunday school they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later that day his mother noticed him lying down, curled up on the floor as though he were ill. She said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"

Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm gonna have a wife!"

What's the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak?

February 14th.

I walked into my sister's kitchen and found my nephew having a snack. "Where's your mother?" I asked.

"She is upstairs, said she was going to take a shower. Hang on, let me check."

He stepped into the nearby bathroom and flushed the toilet. A second later a sharp yell came from upstairs.

My nephew walked back out and said, "Yep, she's in the shower."