In the HR department in the large corporation where I work, I receive absentee slips for all the employees.

Over the years I’ve heard every excuse, but the other day I found one in my voicemail that I never heard before.

“I won’t be in today,” said my absent coworker. “I’ll call back later with an excuse.”

“That’s a great place to work!” shouted my 16-year-old brother after coming home from the first day of his first job.

“I get two weeks paid vacation.”

“I’m so glad,” said my mother.

“Yeah,” added John. “I can’t wait to find out where they send me.

My secretary liked to yammer on the phone with friends.

One day I was about to interrupt her chat to tell her to get back to work, when she looked up at the clock and put an end to the conversation.

“Sorry, I have to hang up now,” she said. “It’s time for my break.”

My friend had been pounding the pavement in search of a job with no luck. Frustrated, she asked her dad to look at her résumé. He didn’t get much further than the first line of her cover letter before spotting the problem.

“Is it too generic?” she asked.

“I doubt it,” said her father. “Especially since it’s addressed ‘Dear Sir or Madman.’”