A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records.

At one point the auditor exclaimed, ''Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile.''

''Thank goodness,'' returned Mr. Carelton, with a giant grin on his face, ''I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash.''

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another.

The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing.

''What's so funny?'' the bartender asked.

''That stupid Dave!'' the fellow chortled. ''He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!''

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.

"What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. ''When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held.''

''Well, "the young man replied, "in your job posting you said you wanted somebody with imagination.”

There is a man who goes out drinking all the time and comes home very later every night. So one night his wife decides to teach him a lesson.

She dresses up like Satan, and decides to hide in the dark, and scare him when he gets home. The man comes home and his wife jumps out and screams in his face.

He just looks at her and says, “You don't scare me. I am married to your sister!”