There’s literally no way...

To know how many chameleons are in your house.

A defector from another country moves in to an apartment in Chicago, and his new neighbor asks what his apartment back home was like.

“Oh, it was perfect,” the defector says. “I could not complain.”

“What about your job?”

“Oh, my job was perfect. I could not complain.”

“And the food?”

“Oh, the food was perfect. I could not complain.”

“So if everything was perfect in North Korea, why did you move?”

The man says, “Here I can complain.”

Two men are hiking through the woods when one of them cries out, “Snake! Run!”

His companion laughs at him. “Oh, relax. It’s only a baby,” he says. “Don’t you hear the rattle?”