A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change in the pulpit. At home he was shy, quiet and retiring but in the church he was a real fire and brimstone orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he was two different people.

One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.

“Ah,” he said, “that’s my altar ego.”

Leaving church one Sunday, a middle-aged woman said to her husband, “Do you think that Flanagan girl is dyeing her hair?”

“I didn’t even see her,” replied the husband.

"And that skirt Mrs. Fitzgerald was wearing,” continued the wife. “Don’t tell me you thought that was appropriate attire for a mother of four?”

“I’m afraid I didn’t notice that either,” said the husband.

“Huh!” scoffed the wife. “A lot of good it does bringing YOU to church.”

Compact disc manufacturers were worried about music industry plans to phase out CDs and bring back LPs. Defending the threat to their livelihood, the CD manufacturers took their case to court, where the judge listened patiently to a lengthy debate about the relative merits of CDs and LPs.

After weighing up the various arguments, the judge ruled in favor of LPs.

The CD manufacturers were furious. “Do we have no right of appeal?” they demanded.

“I’m afraid not,” said their lawyer. “The judge’s decision is vinyl.”

A psychiatrist congratulated his patient on making such good progress.

”You call this progress?” snapped the patient. ”Six months ago, I was Abraham Lincoln. Now I’m a nobody!”